Behind The Slobber: The Story of Isaac Simonson
Enigmatic. Energetic. Enervating. These are just a few choice words to describe the person named Isaac Simonson. But as we found out, there’s a whole lot more. Just what exactly is behind the slobber? Who is Isaac Simonson. That’s the question we set out to answer, in an exclusive interview granted us– and the first ever– by Isaac “Scooter” Simonson.
You’ll see not only the stubborn and defiant side, but a more tender, and vulnerable side. From his relationship with his mother, to battling inner demons such as drooling, it’s been a wild ride. We asked the tough questions, and the answers we got surprised even us.
BRYAN: Hello Isaac. Always a pleasure to see you.
ISAAC: Mnnwah uh.
BRYAN: It occurs to me this is the first interview you’ve ever granted. Why is that?
ISAAC: Mom. Ma ma nnmhhg.
BRYAN: I see– So how would you characterize your relationship with your mother?
ISAAC: Car. Gomahhmnn. Mom.
BRYAN: So after a nine-month period during which you had very close ties with your mother, it’s now degraded to this. Your mother bought you a car– is that where the relationship begins and ends?
ISAAC: nmmughhh…
BRYAN: I understand. You don’t want to talk about it. Moving on– in the months since you’ve arrived, what has struck you most about life in the world?
ISAAC: (drooling on self) Uhn maygunhhtm.
BRYAN: And the drooling. I know you can’t help it– but how do people react to that?
ISAAC: Plane! MMnnhum uhhnnmguu. Plane…
BRYAN: Oh…yes. There… does… appear to be a plane… Yes indeed…
ISAAC: Uhmnn ugggehmmnnn…
BRYAN: Moving on. What part do your uncles play? Are they there through diapers and crying, or do they draw the line at slobber?
ISAAC: (Starts crying loudly.)
BRYAN: Exactly right– we are running low on time. Well, we appreciate you sparing a moment, thank you very much. Signing off– good night, and good luck.